Remembering Your Child
This page is intended to provide ideas and support on various ways to remember your child and cope with the loss. The only "right" way to remember your child is what feels right to you and your family.
Some families opt for a more public form of remembrance, such as establishing a foundation in their child's name, organizing an event to raise awareness about a specific condition, or dedicating a bench in a local park. In contrast, other families may choose to honor their child in a more private manner by lighting a candle or planting a tree.
Memorial Ideas Shared by Families
The following are some ideas families have shared to celebrate the life of their child and mourn their loss. These ideas may feel like the right way for you to remember your child or may help you think of something unique and special
- Write a book to tell the life story of the child
- Donate the child’s favorite books to a library with a certificate on the inside sharing this book is donated in memory of the child
- Create a memory book
- Have a journal at family events and encourage family members to write messages in about the child (favorite memories, things they miss about the child, wishes they had)
- Make a quilt or other handmade comfort item
- Make a stuffed animal out of the child’s favorite clothes
- Make wind chimes with ceramic photographs of the child so you can hear them in the breeze
- Have family and friends place a special stone at the gravesite to use as a border for a small flower garden
- Plant a tree in a special place
- Hold a butterfly release
- Create paper boats with the child’s name and place in a river, stream or other body of water for them to float away while people are sharing memories
- Meditate in a peaceful place
- Volunteer to work for meaningful organizations
- Have a gathering on the child’s birthday
- Create a scholarship in honor of the child
- Participate in one of the child’s favorite activities
- Start a foundation in the child’s name to help support programs that were helpful to the child and family
Memorial Events at U-M Health
U-M Health welcomes you and your family to attend one of our special memorial events to remember and honor your child.
Contact Us
Monday-Friday, 8 am-5 pm
Getting Through Special Days & Holidays
Holiday and birthday celebrations are traditionally known for joy and laughter; however, for those who are grieving, they may be particularly painful and they may even feel inappropriate. The demands of grief require extra physical and emotional energy which may leave you unable to deal with excessive demands these times can bring. When these days come, think about ways you can care for yourself.
- Be honest about what you can expect to be able to do: Realize that as a grieving person you have limits. You may not be able to or even want to do the things you used to do. Decide what is really meaningful for you and your family and do just that.
- Find new traditions: It may be helpful to find a tradition that honors your child.
- Talk and share memories of your child: Others may avoid starting these conversations, but may feel relieved that you are letting them know it is good, helpful and supportive to talk.
- Make changes as it feels appropriate: Change the time or place of certain traditions. Change responsibility for various tasks. Remember that what you choose to do this year may be different than what you choose to do next year.
- If you have other children, remember that the holidays are likely very important for them: Your other children have lost their sibling, but they may not react to holidays in the same way as you do. They may still express excitement and joy during this time. Think of how you may be able to be comfortably present with them in their excitement.
- Talk about your fears and share your feelings about the upcoming holiday with your friends and family: This helps prepare them as well as helping you find the support you need.
Donations in Memory of Your Loved One
Friends, families, and others in the community may wish to make a charitable donation in honor of your loved one’s memory. This may be something to decide on early so it can be published in the obituary or mentioned at the funeral service. Many families direct donations to non-profit organizations that represent the values or interests of your loved one.
U-M Health Memorial Donations
You can also direct donations to a specific department or program of your choosing. The staff at the Office of Medical Development would be honored to help you choose an appropriate memorial fund. Donations can be made to provide services to other families struggling with illness or loss, support nursing units, social work, spiritual care, medical research, or the general fund among others.
